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#YOLO

It is hard to write without spilling my whole story here. But I’ll try.

I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I spent a long time trying to fit in. But recently I understood. The world doesn’t really want me to be me. It wants to shape me in a certain way. Media tell me what to look like to deserve the word beautiful, the education system tells me to get at least one university degree to be smart and church says I will never be worthy enough to call myself a good person. People look weird at me when I dress a certain way or when I tell them that my goal is not career but motherhood. Some people claim to be friends, but I know they talk bad about me behind my back or that if I told them who I really am and what my dreams are, they’d laugh and walk away.

These were, even though I haven’t realized it until now, some of the things that were holding me back from true happiness. These things were the reasons to why I always felt sad, useless and lonely. Because I do not fit into our society’s “chart”. I let myself be judged by others. The reason I’m writing all this is because I know I’m not the only one.

Lately it hit me how short time we actually get here. I’m almost 20 and mostly spent those years unhappy, crying. I used to think: “I’m still a child, I’m still young. One day I’ll be able to get out of here and get a better life.”. I concentrated on the future and hoped it’s gonna be better than the past and present. But what if I’d walk out of my house now and get hit by a car and die? In that case I would’ve spent my whole life just surviving and waiting for a better tomorrow. Death doesn’t scare me as much as the thought of a wasted life. And that’s why I decided to rename the better tomorrow to today . I regret I didn’t realize this earlier. I feel like I’ve already wasted a big part of my life. I don’t get to re-live it again. I’ll never get to do it better again. But better start now than never. And that’s why I called this article what I did. I choose to believe I’m a strong, beautiful, intelligent, talented and capable young woman. That my dreams are not stupid. I don’t have to surround myself with people who talk bad about me or those that are only “friends” as long as I live the way they like me to and leave me the second we have a different oppinion and I’m not willing to surrender to theirs. People don’t get to control me and try to shape me into something I’m not. I get to choose if I want to go to university, where I want to live, who I want to spend my life with or when I want to get married or have children. I can reach for my dreams, spend my time the way I want, do what I love, and be with people I appreciate, people who inspire and support me. What the others say is none of my bussiness. It doesn’t define who I am or what is right to do. It is my life and I only live once. 

That’s what I really want – to shed all the people who want to form and shape me, one by one, and learn to form and shape myself.

Tobias Eaton, Four (Veronica Roth)

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Welcome, 2015!

Hello everyone!

I hope you had a great New Year’s celebration! I did. No alcohol but lots of fun! Though the morning after I woke up with a fever and a sore throat. I spent the next 5 days in bed and since it didn’t get any better ended up going to the doctor. I got an extra week at home but to be honest I’d rather suffer at school for a bit everyday and then be able to go outside, rather than being sick!!

What are you expecting from 2015? Do you have plans? Goals? Wishes, maybe? 🙂

I want to get better in knowing who I really am and experience something new. I’d also like to graduate from highschool. So keep your fingers crossed 😀

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Katerina

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BEACH, SEA, WAVES (Day 7)

Take a picture of one thing, person, place or specific moment that makes you feel grateful. Share it with
your social network.

My boyfriend took this picture this summer and he always laughs about it and says that it’s unbelievable how that one day became the best day of the summer, even if we didn’t really do anything. Here’s the story:

I don’t remember what day it was, but Benjam came home from work one afternoon. It was a quite cold, rainy and windy summer day. Everyday in the summer we went outside at least for a while, biking, walking or just drove to a random place. That day he thought we could go to the beach. It was raining a bit, and blowing a lot and so the waves were pretty big. Plus a beautiful sunset. I don’t know why, but there on the rainy day with water even in my shoes, hugged by my boyfriend, I named that day the best day of the summer.

Enjoy simple things in life. Because those are often the ones you’ll remember the most!

Have a great week!

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MOM (Day 3)

Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.

Lately I’ve been realizing how lucky I am to have the mom I have. I know we don’t always get along perfectly and that I make her angry when I don’t keep my room cleaned and I sometimes get angry when she tells me to clean it. But still I’m thankful for her. She brought me to this world and raised me up and she does everything she can so that I could have everything I need and even more.

Thank you mom for everything you’ve ever done for me!

Katerina