I haven’t been posting lately, since school got pretty busy and my graduation period started two weeks ago. But after all is done I want to get back to blogging, maybe change things up a little bit. But for now I’ll leave you with a few photos I took today and then I’m off for yet more studying!
I hope you’re all having a great day!
It is hard to write without spilling my whole story here. But I’ll try.
I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I spent a long time trying to fit in. But recently I understood. The world doesn’t really want me to be me. It wants to shape me in a certain way. Media tell me what to look like to deserve the word beautiful, the education system tells me to get at least one university degree to be smart and church says I will never be worthy enough to call myself a good person. People look weird at me when I dress a certain way or when I tell them that my goal is not career but motherhood. Some people claim to be friends, but I know they talk bad about me behind my back or that if I told them who I really am and what my dreams are, they’d laugh and walk away.
These were, even though I haven’t realized it until now, some of the things that were holding me back from true happiness. These things were the reasons to why I always felt sad, useless and lonely. Because I do not fit into our society’s “chart”. I let myself be judged by others. The reason I’m writing all this is because I know I’m not the only one.
Lately it hit me how short time we actually get here. I’m almost 20 and mostly spent those years unhappy, crying. I used to think: “I’m still a child, I’m still young. One day I’ll be able to get out of here and get a better life.”. I concentrated on the future and hoped it’s gonna be better than the past and present. But what if I’d walk out of my house now and get hit by a car and die? In that case I would’ve spent my whole life just surviving and waiting for a better tomorrow. Death doesn’t scare me as much as the thought of a wasted life. And that’s why I decided to rename the better tomorrow to today . I regret I didn’t realize this earlier. I feel like I’ve already wasted a big part of my life. I don’t get to re-live it again. I’ll never get to do it better again. But better start now than never. And that’s why I called this article what I did. I choose to believe I’m a strong, beautiful, intelligent, talented and capable young woman. That my dreams are not stupid. I don’t have to surround myself with people who talk bad about me or those that are only “friends” as long as I live the way they like me to and leave me the second we have a different oppinion and I’m not willing to surrender to theirs. People don’t get to control me and try to shape me into something I’m not. I get to choose if I want to go to university, where I want to live, who I want to spend my life with or when I want to get married or have children. I can reach for my dreams, spend my time the way I want, do what I love, and be with people I appreciate, people who inspire and support me. What the others say is none of my bussiness. It doesn’t define who I am or what is right to do. It is my life and I only live once.
That’s what I really want – to shed all the people who want to form and shape me, one by one, and learn to form and shape myself.
Tobias Eaton, Four (Veronica Roth)
I hope you had a great New Year’s celebration! I did. No alcohol but lots of fun! Though the morning after I woke up with a fever and a sore throat. I spent the next 5 days in bed and since it didn’t get any better ended up going to the doctor. I got an extra week at home but to be honest I’d rather suffer at school for a bit everyday and then be able to go outside, rather than being sick!!
What are you expecting from 2015? Do you have plans? Goals? Wishes, maybe? 🙂
I want to get better in knowing who I really am and experience something new. I’d also like to graduate from highschool. So keep your fingers crossed 😀
In the north of Europe and America, they’re getting lots and lots of snow. Romantic walks in snow in the Czech Republic? No way! That’s something we can dream about, at least for now. Rain, fog and temperatures between 0 and (plus!!) 10°C is all we get.
I have to admit I didn’t always like snow. There was a time I hated it with all my heart. But I found out why. When I was a kid we always had a lot of snow. I remember sledding and building snowmen every winter. I loved it. But the past few years the winters sucked. It was either super cold with no snow, or snowed for a while and then we had to walk in the gross water for some time because the snow melted almost immediately. I don’t even remember the last Christmas with snow, which used to be an “of course” for me growing up. There was one winter though that was an exception. It was really cold, but WITH snow! That winter I realized that winters are actually not as bad, if they’re good winters. And I’m so hoping for a good winter this year! Don’t disappoint me weather!! 😀
#tbt as in “throwback thursday”? I decided to give my thursday an another name. And guess what’s behind the hashtag tst? It stands for a “totally stressful thursday”! I have not done so many things in one day for quite some time! I’ve been recieving, picking up and sending packages all day round, was at school, driving school, now I had a little coffee break and will continue with studying for two tests I’m gonna have tomorrow. It maybe doesn’t sound as much but I literally didn’t stop for more than 10 minutes today. Uhh, I just needed to share my pain (:D) with somebody!
Do you often have busy days as well? 🙂
So my long expected phone case finally arrived yesterday! The problem was, that the first one didn’t come to my adress, so I contacted the seller and he sent it again. Then it came in a few days. I had a few people ask where I bought it. It’s from ebay and the case is called: Hot Pink Premium PU Leather Wallet Case with Floral Interior. They have them designed for many different phones and I believe there’re different colors as well.
Anyway, I’m very satisfied with this case. I fell in love with it immediately when I found it on the internet and I just had to have it. My boyfriend says it fits my personality. 😀 One boy asked if it’s not annoying with such a big case. No. I rather have a big case than a broken phone (I know myself! :P)
What do you guys think about the case? 🙂
Earlier this week my mom left for a business trip and I’m home alone until tomorrow night. I decided to get things done here. I had no idea what I’m commiting to!
First of all I go to school every day, second, I have a dog I have to take for walks few times a day, we have fish that has to be fed and their light turned of for nights. Plus +++ I’m graduating this year, as I have and will mention still many times in the near future so there’s a lot of work preparing for it. Studying the subjects I will graduate from from the very beginning, make notes, while still preparing for tests and doing homework. And reading books for graduation. Take all of that and add things like laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping and mopping the floors and still tidying up my room, closet, my sisters closet, showering the dog, watering all flowers, shopping and the list goes on… What I found most interesting was that I LIKE IT! Yeah, I have to admit I feel a bit weird about it but I like it. I’ve never gotten so many things done in such a short time and still stay positive and able to hold my eyes open! It kind of fills me with new energy to see the work behind me. 😀
This weekend I decided not to visit my friends, neither hang out with my boyfriend (he’s going to the mountains with some of his friends) but instead I’ll spend the whole weekend with school work. I’m planning to schedule some coffee dates with friends in between so that I survive. Let’s hope for the best! 😀